On Meditation

My experiences with and the evolution of my personal meditation practice.

7/13/25

On Meditation

Sunday morning, sitting in my home office, Leucadia California. The morning air is cool and pleasant. The early morning hours here in Southern California are always the same. The ocean spits out a cool mist that makes its way a half mile up the hill to my home here at the farm, each and every morning. I usually wake up to feel the dew below my bare feet on the deck outside my bedroom door. I look at my herb garden drinking up the moisture. My plants and I are ready for the sun to peek through, which is does like clockwork, each and every morning around 10am and continues to shine down throughout the day. I am feeling at home here. It's been about 9 months since I moved to the west coast from Austin, TX. I feel best by the ocean, whether it's by the Atlantic, where I grew up and spent the majority of my life, or here in SoCal, it does me good to by the salt water and to feel the currents of energy that it provides. 

I feel compelled this morning to get some thoughts down on a topic that has become very important to me over the past 10 years. Meditation. Yesterday I had 2 people very close to me reach out asking about my meditation practice. As I shared what it means to me to meditate, and how the practice has evolved for me over time, I know it will do me good, and maybe do some good to whoever may be reading this, to analyze the subject here in words. I’ll preface this post with a quote that rings true, “He who speaks does not know, and he who knows does not speak..”. Words don’t do this practice justice. I know that my actions and the experiences I share with others as a result of my dedication to this practice emanate into the world and teach me, and those I come into contact with, more about the unbelievable value of meditation than I could ever do here through my writing.

When I began meditating it was the summer of 2015. At the time I was living in Boston, MA. I took on a new job and career in software sales and was living in Boston’s South End, a 10 minute walk to my office in the Prudential Tower in downtown Boston. On my walk to and from work I would immerse myself in podcasts, self-help books and content that was helping me navigate the often stressful ups and downs of a quota carrying sales role. Each and every week I would present my business to leaders and peers, speaking about the work I was doing and committing to a number that I was confident in closing in the coming quarter. There is so much that is out of our control in this line of work. I could feel my head spinning throughout the day as I found myself lost in thought about the work to do, how to organize my time and efforts and continually get better at focusing my attention on the present moment and priority actions I needed to take. Sitting in our office each day, 29 floors up in the center of Boston, surrounded by friends and co-workers, techno music blaring and conversations buzzing into my ear drums from every direction, my attention spiraled. 

This situation was a great teacher for me. In this “pressure cooker” environment I was forced to find a calm that I knew I needed to maintain in order to do my job well and reach the goals I had laid out for myself. I knew that the best way for me to learn how to do this was to seek out mentors, to find expert council that could share with me the habits and practices that enabled these top achievers to rise above the noise and establish the skills I wanted to instill in myself. I was very fortunate in that work environment early on in my career to have met several great teachers, co-workers and leaders that helped me a great deal, whether they were aware of it or not. I asked for help, and they were willing to share how they were able to lean into this high-stress environment and cultivate the space and presence needed to do their jobs well. What I learned from these teachers, and from several other extremely successful people I was learning about through podcasts in my walks to and from the office, was that most, if not all of them, had a consistent mediation practice. It may have come in different forms; most of my successful peers were very in touch with their physical bodies, prioritizing physical activity, long distance running, hot yoga and other habits that would help get them out of their heads consistently each day. I was introduced to the practice of Transcendental Meditation, or ™ for short. I felt compelled to learn more about this, and found myself a teacher located not far in South Boston where I could sign up for a personalized course and learn the technique from a trained instructor. At the time, it was a significant investment for me. Costing around $1,500, I went back and forth on the decision to commit to the investment in myself. I decided after some deliberation to jump in and commit. I remember writing 4 checks, to be cashed at the first of every month ahead and wondering to myself if I was getting caught up in some money grab scheme that I would later regret. I went for it, and I’m very glad I did. 

I remember riding my bike the 2 miles to the beach in Southie to meet with my teacher like it was yesterday. I was going to first learn the TM technique, and for 3 consecutive days I would practice it alongside my teacher and talk about my experiences. I was introduced to the concept of “mantra meditation”. I was given a word, better put, a sound, that has no meaning, and that was to be my mantra. I was told that the mantra was picked specifically for me and it was something that I should always keep to myself. After learning my mantra I sat alongside my teacher for 20 minutes in complete silence and stillness. We sat in plastic office chairs and I was instructed to keep my spine straight and become aware of the thoughts that presented themselves. As the thoughts would arise I was instructed to observe them, and with “as much effort as it took for my thoughts to come up”, bring my attention back to the sound of my mantra. My first sit was a challenge. I felt like I was going to topple forward out of the chair I was sitting in. My tight hips began to throb and I felt the stream of thoughts in my mind like a rushing river. Thoughts from long ago and thoughts from that morning. My attention flowed to past thoughts of stressful situations and anxious thoughts of the days and weeks ahead. I recognized that the majority of these thoughts running through my mind were negative. Worry about future commitments or responsibilities, challenging and traumatic past experiences, etc. I felt a wave of emotions come up inside of me as I sat there. There in the quiet calm of my training room I felt my emotions shift as I saw each random thought pop into my head. A negative thought about a stressful event from my past or worry about some future, fictional, dangerous or challenging situation would bring me into a state, physically and emotionally, that was as if I was actually experiencing the situation at that moment. Sitting there in the quiet, dark room by the beach, sitting next to my kind teacher, I could feel these emotions emanate as my thoughts spiraled. 

I was in no danger, there was nothing in that moment to warrant my heart rate increasing and the physical sensations I was experiencing as a result of the thoughts I was thinking. I began to recognize over time that this was my default setting. That my mind was very busy, a mad monkey that was jumping around screaming at the top of its lungs. As I began to witness this “monkey mind”, over time, becoming more aware of it and its patterns I began to smile at it. This is a daily practice. What I was learning through this practice of ™, was that my mantra was a tool to leverage to help train my mind to slow down and become the great tool it was intended to be. 

Meditation has taught me that “the mind is a terrible master, but a great student”. Sitting there in that dark room with my teacher,  as I embarked on my own journey into meditation I learned that the mantra I was given could be looked at as a banana that I was to continually give my monkey brain; a tool I could use to slow down the rapid stream of thought I was continually immersed in. It wasn’t about the effort I was putting into it, on the contrary, the harder I tried to shut up the mad monkey’s howl the worse it got. The practice, and the art of meditation is first becoming aware of this stream of thought within us. Becoming aware of our thoughts and our true selves separation from the activity of mind is a great triumph. A door was beginning to open within me. As I continually observed the thoughts that came up in my mind in my training sessions, whether they were good or bad made no difference, I would repeatedly bring my attention back to the sound of my mantra. The beauty of this practice and technique is that the mantra is a sound that has no meaning. What I mean by that is that when I allow myself to “think” about my mantra, to pay attention to its sound, there is no mental or emotional connection to it. It's as if the monkey mind doesn’t know what to do with the sound; it’s perplexed by it. As I continually bring my attention to my mantra, over and over again, my mind gets more and more still. Thoughts come up, over and over again, because that is what the mind does, it thinks. Just as our hearts beat, our mind thinks. But in this practice I began to recognize the great power I have to control my thoughts, to step out of the white water rapids of thought I had been living in and find some stillness, so that I could listen to other parts of me that were once over-powered by the noise of my mind. I began to listen to my heart and my gut. 

Once I learned to quiet down my mind I was more in touch with the great ability we all have to tap into an intuition and wisdom we seldom are able to experience because of the noise going on in our minds. 

As I sat there with my teacher, day after day, and then at home for my 20min afternoon meditation by myself, I felt a door beginning to open. I began to look forward to my meditation sessions, like a kid excited about summer break, I was eager to find a comfortable spot each day, twice a day for 20 mins where I could sit and reliably gain a modicum of control over a mind that had been out of control for the majority of my life. It was as if I was finally getting to know and fall in love with myself, my true nature, for the first time in my life. A beautiful quote illustrates this very well. “Don’t fight the darkness. Don’t even worry about the darkness. Simply, turn on the light.”. Through my meditation sit’s, continually training my mind to pay attention to my mantra, my light was beginning to turn on and I knew there was no looking back. 

I was introduced to an analogy that illustrates what I am speaking about well. Imagine your mind as a lake. A massive body of water that is miles long and miles deep. At the surface, when a storm comes through, the surface of the lake can become tumultuous. Waves can get 50 feet high and crash down with tremendous force. If you zoom out a bit, however, and draw a cross section of the lake, a mile deep to its deepest point it is perfectly calm, perfectly still. Our minds are the lake. The surface, our thinking mind can be tumultuous. Storms can pass and thoughts can arise like those 50 foot waves. If we’re sitting in our little row boat on the surface during those storms we can’t help but be overwhelmed, caught up in the stressful situation all around us. What meditation allows us to do is sink below this level of surface, thinking mind. Slowly and steadily, with each sit we began to allow ourselves to access deeper, calmer, more peaceful states of mind that are always accessible to us. This is bliss. A point where we are able to linger in this space between thought and experience life in a way that is perfect, always available to us, each and every moment. 

When I first experienced this awareness of my mind activity, and allowed myself to get lost in the sound of my mantra, slowing my mind down for the first time I was overwhelmed by the positive sensations I was experiencing. The Japanese have a word for what I am speaking about - Satori, or “sudden enlightenment”. On my bike ride home after that first experience of Satori, triggered by my new found meditation practice I felt overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude and joy. I began calling my family and friends as I sped through the South Boston streets through the summer air, wanting to share with them my truth, a person and a mind that was no longer encumbered by thought. 

There was no turning back from this initial glimpse I had into the peace and world I had learned was possible through meditation. For years I struggled with the understanding of peace I had experienced and continually allowing myself to fall into the temptations that would take me further from it. In my 20’s I began smoking pot as a way to help calm my mind after long hours of work. At first it was a relief to have this reliable way to calm myself and my mind after hours of intense mental activity and strain. After some time, however, this habit took me further and further away from the calm I had learned to cultivate during my regular sit’s. Each time I gave into the temptation to have a smoke, feeling like I earned a respite from the stress of the day before, I knew I was hitting the pause button on my ability to reach the calm I now knew was possible through meditation. Time and time again I would give into this temptation and take myself further away from my ability to meditate and get to that deep place in my mind I so wanted to linger in. Years went by and I lived in this state of limbo, knowing the peace I was capable of experiencing through meditation, but not really there, stuck in a self induced fog that weed left me in. As I went through cancer treatment in my late 20’s I fell deeper into the fog. I felt like I needed weed to help ease the symptoms the chemotherapy was inducing. It was certainly a help going through that experience, however I craved a deeper experience I knew was possible. 

Sitting here now I am extremely grateful for the man I have become and that meditation has taught me to be. I have dedicated myself to my morning ritual of my 20 min sit, preceded by several rounds of breathwork that helps ease me into the state of quiet and peace I am so in love with. My dedication to a consistent yoga practice has allowed me to sit cross-legged with a straight spine for longer and longer periods of time. Going through my yoga teacher training I was amazed to learn that cultivating the ability to sit comfortably with a straight spine for a long period of time was a primary reason that early yogi’s began to develop and practice the asana’s. Yoga is a great compliment to meditation and with each time I practice I am becoming more and more limber and capable of sinking into the deep peace that mediation provides. I continually dedicate myself to this truth and connection I am proud to be strengthening within. Each day I take on the task to stay true to myself, to avoid foods and behaviors that take me away from the peace and joy that meditation brings. I am learning to control what I can control and appreciating the amazing beauty of life as it is meant to be experienced. 

I have started a new job here in San Diego, a sales job that I love and I have the opportunity each day to set out and accomplish new goals and create a future life that I have dreamed up and know is possible. Each day I start my morning with my ice bath, calming my mind and connecting myself with my physical body. I find myself giddy getting out of the ice water and eager, like the school kid on his first day of summer break, to find a comfortable spot to sit and quiet my mind and connect it with my heart. I’ve begun to look at my meditation practice as a prayer. I set my 20 minute timer and allow myself to get lost in the sound of my mantra, quieting my mind and allowing the thoughts to settle. Once I linger in this space for some time, which comes and goes and each day is different, I bring my attention to prayer. I thank God for my body that is in perfect health, my mind that is clear and my heart that is open and full of love. With a clear head and my mind and heart connected I begin to experience the sensations, feelings and emotions I wish to experience in my life. At this place of stillness and calm I am beginning to cultivate and tap into, I am realizing an incredible power I believe we all have within us. I am seeing my prayers coming true, I am witnessing the power of our minds to create our experiences and am very grateful for this. I understand that this connection, a connection with myself and my heart to God is the most important thing I will ever do in my life. This is my sole focus and priority each moment of each and every day. I trust and have faith in knowing that cherishing and further cultivating this connection with my mind and heart to God will bring with it the outer experiences that are meant for me. Both good and bad, they’re all perfect. I have total faith in this, and for the plan that God has laid out for my life. This understanding, this peace is a direct result of my growing ability to tap into the power we have inside once we allow our minds to quiet and we access the deeper connections and truths inside of us. 

I am still a white-belt in this game. I understand that and know full well that the time and care and focus I put into my meditation practice will have a direct result on my experiences and the experiences of those I come into contact with. I take that responsibility very seriously and as I get older, I am confident sitting here now that my continual focus on this practice will help me follow my true path and best navigate the turns I must take in this life well and with confidence. 

My hope is that these words struck a chord with you the reader at times as you were reading this post. It is my intention through sharing a bit about myself here and the great relief and joy that meditation has brought into my life will light a fire under you to take on this practice yourself. We are meant as humans to enjoy life. To rise above the noise of the world around us and appreciate the bliss and true heaven on earth that our experiences on this plane afford to us. Every moment is an opportunity to remember this. And as we remember this, and live our lives connecting mind and body, mind and heart we permit those around us to do the same.